Mark Driscoll posted an interesting video about being a stay at home dad, which I STRONGLY disagree with.
Video summary: according to the Bible (1 Timothy 5:8) being a stay at home dad is wrong. Driscoll, and his wife, use some pretty strong language to point out why they believe the woman should stay at home with children and why the man should work.
Personally, I believe that a husband and a wife should decide which situation fits their own household best and they should seek God for his guidance in “providing” for the family.
The problem I have with Driscoll’s view, is that it shoehorns their own personal interpretation of the word provide into this issue and they come across very arrogantly and forcefully about why they are right and people who choose otherwise are wrong.
1 Timothy 5:8 says, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” (KJV)
“If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (NIV)
According to Thayer’s Greek Lexicon, the word “provide” in 1 Timothy 5:8 means:
1) to perceive before, foresee
2) to provide, think of beforehand
a) to provide for one
b) to take thought for, care for a thing
It has nothing directly to do with working outside the home. A man is a man because he has the foresight to do what’s necessary to take care of the needs of his family. For some that means working outside the home, for others that means working from home. For others, it means supporting his wife as she brings in the primary source of income. My wife makes more than I do. Does that make me unbiblical?
I think the reason I disagree with the Driscoll’s is because they are buying into a lot of stereotypes.
A man can’t dress kids or fix their hair right?
A man can’t make dinner or prepare lunches?
A man isn’t a man unless he clocks in and out somewhere and brings home the bacon?
A woman isn’t a woman unless she is “nurturing” her children from home?
A woman stays home and cooks, cleans, and births babies?
Granted, I know there ARE Biblical descriptions of virtuous men and women. I agree with them all. But I don’t think the verse in 1 Timothy 5:8 can be used as narrowly as the Driscoll’s are using it.
Personally, I want to be a stay at home dad. I don’t have kids yet, and that may change when they come, but I love the thought of working from home so that I can shape and mold my children’s character daily.
The bottom line is that what makes you worse than “unbelievers” is that you don’t have the foresight to take care of your family, NOT whether or not you are a stay at home dad or not.
My other thought when listening to them “teach” on this subject is whether or not they (or anyone else who uses this verse to push this concept) provides for all of their relatives…since it is pretty plainly written that if we don’t provide for them (and our immediate family) we are like infidels.
What do you think?
(ht: Joel Klampert)
October 16th, 2008 - 10:14 am
totally agree. My wife makes plenty more than me…..so im a sinner? Hmmmmmm…we are thinking about having me quit my job to stay home. That is the best option for my family-why would God send me to he’ll for that? For taking car of my family?
Plus, I’m pretty good at doing my daughters hair.
Oh, nice template:). We use the same one. LOL.
October 16th, 2008 - 10:50 am
“it shoehorns their own personal interpretation of the word provide into this issue and they come across very arrogantly and forcefully about why they are right and people who choose otherwise are wrong.”
this is one of the reasons i wrote the post on monday…”scripture wars”. its this kind of thing that bothers me. i dont think theyre bad people with bad motives. in fact, i enjoy driscoll a lot. but theyre interpretation and application of the scripture for THEIR family…is just that. isnt it? or am i totally off base? especially in matters that, in my opinion, are non essential to say…salvation. i dont know.
tam’s last blog post..have i lost it?
October 16th, 2008 - 10:52 am
and yes, be a stay at home dad if that is what you and your beautiful bride decide and agree on. but make sure you clean the toilets, showers, vacuum, dust, scrub floors, grocery shop, cook, pay bills, and all the other pleasant things we get to do (with a smile on our hearts
)
tam’s last blog post..have i lost it?
October 16th, 2008 - 1:31 pm
Exactly…love driscoll, ut I think he and his wife are off on this one. That is a very old school way of thinking.
just like T…My wife makes way more than I do. I am a stay at home dad because I would rather take care of our kids than pay someone else to. I work from home. Is it easy …nope, but money dictates some situations.
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October 16th, 2008 - 1:35 pm
This video is one of many examples of why Mark and I couldn’t be good friends. If we went fishing together, he’d be swimming home. His aggressive “you could debate with me but I’d win” attitude (because he believes that he’s always on the right side of the scriptures) frustrates me, but that’s an issue that I have to deal with.
He typically has this glib attitude about the likelihood that he’ll run people off from the church over what I would say could be considered a minor issue, the man bringing home the bacon instead of the woman, versus a major issue, an entire Christian family living off the government social programs out of choice instead of need.
Mark’s teaching philosophy appears to be one in which we have to choose a side, keep a growing list of platitudes, and keep no “dead weight” around the church. Divide and conquer. I really think that he has a hard time being a man of influence if he can’t be divisive and controversial at the same time.
Have you ever met a woman that had a working womb but you wouldn’t let alone with a clock radio, much less a child? Ever met a man who couldn’t change a starter on his car but could be the most caring and nurturing person? What of those people? Should they remain childless in order to gain God’s favor?
Is there no room for those in process? If my wife is providing while I finish my masters degree am I living in sin? As T said, should my wife (let’s say she’s a successful attorney) quite her job to change diapers so that I can then get a job as an overworked, under appreciated and underpaid church staff member? Will that gain me more favor with God?
What of the growing suffering and injustice caused by my wife leaving a career that has a greater impact on the world than my career as a pastor in which all I do is tell folks to go do something about injustice? What if God gave her the heart to pursue the greater good in the world and He gave me a heart to wipe baby butts for a few years and teach my kids how to fish, how to read, how to get along with their friends, etc?
I agree with you, Russ. If even for just a season, I’d love to stay home and have a direct hand in raising my kids.
Maybe the love child of Mark Driscoll and Joel Osteen would be the perfect pastor.
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October 16th, 2008 - 1:46 pm
Not to get too deep into these waters…
I agree with you. Really well-written response.
And you just got points for your MxPx poster. They helped me break out of stuffy Christianity.
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October 16th, 2008 - 3:05 pm
This is sickening. I’ve known and worked with plenty of women who don’t work by choice - they work because their children must be fed and clothed.
What a load of crap to lay one more unneeded guilt trip on parents. Yeah, “do it my way or you’re worse than an unbeliever.” BS.
And guess what? Just because we all have ovaries doesn’t mean we are the same any more than having a penis means all men like sports.
Ridiculous. And sad. And more than a little irritating.
And, by the way, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom since 1994. Yeah, it’s my calling and I’ve sacrificed for it and I wouldn’t do anything else. But that doesn’t make it every woman’s calling.